Growing up Canadian

مهاجرت — 03 اکتبر 2012

By Pouneh Vaziri

With so much multiculturalism and diversity in Canada, it is evident that the concept of immigration is not a new one to Canadians. Simply looking out at one’s community will show great diversity, with different people from all over the world now calling Canada their home. Because of the demand, Canada offers many services for helping newcomers adjust and settle in. Although great focus has been placed on helping immigrants with the initial challenges of migrating however, hardly any focus has been shined on the new challenges that arise in regards to raising a new generation of children in Canada. The troubles that second generation Canadians experience are things that appear to be merely accepted rather than acknowledged and addressed. For people emigrating from Iran, it’s important to remember that no matter how open-minded you think you are, coming from a Middle Eastern background will inevitably play a significant role in your life and thus the life of any children you choose to raise in the new country.

Different mindsets and cultural values will no doubt affect how your children are raised, and it is important to be empathetic and considerate of these differences. The interesting thing about being raised as a second generation Canadian is that in most cases the children understand where their parents are coming from, but the parents cannot fathom how their children could have such different views and opinions. Chances are that these differences will be less prominent when the children are young, but will become more and more obvious as the kids age, especially in the difficult teenage years, which come with enough problems without the addition of cultural differences!

One mistake that many parents make is trying to force their children to adopt a first generation mindset despite living in a different country. The reason that I call this specific move a mistake is that in such forceful cases the children will respond in one of two ways: whether they will miraculously adopt the older generation mindset or begin hiding certain things in order to not displease their parents. In cases where the children try to balance between the two, the children will, without a doubt, be causing stresses and pressures on themselves in an effort to please their parents while living in a society that contradicts their parents’ mentality on various things.

Let’s, for example, consider a case that I have seen all too often in Canada: immigrant children dating people from different races. Consider the case of a 19 year-old young man, who we will call “Ali”, who has been living in Canada for 11 years with his parents. At 19 years-old, Ali meets a young girl from his university with whom he has developed a strong interest in. They have similar hobbies, are studying the same program, and have similar goals and dreams. It isn’t long before Ali decides to pursue a relationship with her. Ali’s parents begin questioning who he has been talking on the phone with late at night, why he has been going out so much, and why he has been acting so secretive around them. Eventually, Ali makes a move towards doing what he has been dreading for so long: telling his Persian parents that he is seeing a non-Persian, and in fact, non-Middle Eastern girl. At first Ali’s parents accept his relationship but make jokes about the fact that she is not Persian. Over time, the jokes persist and Ali becomes more and more frustrated by them constantly making negative comments. He continues to date his girlfriend, and their relationship starts to become more serious. Seeing Ali’s relationship become much more than a “fling”; Ali’s mom eventually gets into a huge fight with Ali and tells him to stop wasting his time on someone that he is not going to marry anyway.

Now this case might seem drastic for some, but it is something that is very relatable to second generation children. The pressures to date within the community and to please your parents by having a typical wedding are immense, which is extremely ironic considering how multicultural Canada is! In this case, Ali is faced with the dilemma of having to choose between his family’s decision and approval of his relationship over his personal choice to date the young girl that he is dating. Continuing to date her could result in lies and more fighting within his family, but ending his relationship with her is not something that he is ready to do. Even if Ali’s relationship does not result in marriage in the long run, the important part of the story is that the mindset his parents possess will continue to follow Ali along all his relationships in the future, and there will always be problems between them if the girl he sees is not Persian.

As a first generation parent, it is extremely important to try to stay open-minded and to create a relationship with your child that would allow for open communication. It might be easy convincing your young child to do something, but as high school and eventually university/college roll around, such conversations can begin to become the center of attention, causing great stress and problems for all the family members.

The following articles to come will focus on various issues faced by Iranian-Canadian children today, including friendship choices, education, shopping, as well as problems associated with relationships. It is apparent that there is no easy answer to such problems, especially if both sides have such strong stances. The purpose of these articles however, is to try to help educate the older generations on the pressures that second generation Iranian-Canadians face. Only through this outlet can we hope to create some more room for empathy and compassion from our parents regarding a second-generation life in Canada.